And I got way too many feels, way too much emotion
I don’t even know what’s real, I just say f*&k it, keep on going
-Kiiara ( & Avery)
I am a feelings girl–my heart bleeds on my sleeve. I cry when I get excited. I cry when I laugh too hard. I cry at sad movies, like real, belly-deep ugly cry that keeps me up at night. (I avoid sad books and The Fault in Our Stars and movies where animals die for this very reason.)
I cry when others cry. I cry at concerts when the music is just so good. I cry when I sense my sisters’ pain even from across the country. I also literally shake with happiness at good news, and can hear my heart crack under the weight of disappointment and unmet expectations.
For the majority of my young life, I thought this was wrong. I thought I was faulty. Too sensitive, they said. Drama queen, they said. Toughen up, they said.
So I tried.
I stuffed down emotions only for them to explode later. I buried myself deep inside my head, weaving myself up tight in lies questioning my self-worth, my purpose, and my mistakes. Relationships and close friendships imploded.
It wasn’t until my senior year of college when years of depression and eating disorders became unignorable, a very wise woman (my therapist, God love her) brought me to a life-changing realization:
the very trait I was seeing as my weakness is actually my strength.