It can be risky to publish posts like last week’s. But lately God has been granting me more and more opportunities to speak up about my struggle with mental illness. This truth has helped to tie authentic relationships even tighter, to allow me to seek help and support, and to partner with others in the hurt so they know they aren’t alone.
Well, I promised things would get real around here. So today we’re getting even more real, if you will.
There have been moments this past year when I have not wanted to wake up the next day. When I wished I could lie down for a nap and let the world slip away. When I thought my heart was literally going to explode in my chest. When I thought it was possible for me to drown on oxygen. When thoughts I never even knew humans were capable of having ran wild through my head. Like someone else was controlling my brain. Scary sh*t.
I felt the tug on my heart to share my experience with depression and recovery with you all. I heard multiple stories this week (including my own) where family members and dear friends wanted to know what they could do to help, who wanted to understand what mental illness actually looks like.
So from my perspective, from my experiences, this is what depression can look like: waves of happiness and laughter followed by the crushing blow of helplessness, exhaustion, disinterest, and darkness. Even for me, who many describe as generally joyful and engaging. Who appears to be thriving. There are weeks, there are days, where I may experience this seemingly unending and inescapable darkness. But it isn’t all just like that. There’s more to our story.
Know someone suffering through depression? Here’s an insight into our lives: